பார்வை

கால் நோக காத்திருந்து ..

கூட்ட நெரிசலில் அகப்பட்டு ..

வெயிலையும் மழையையும் கடந்து..

உள்ளே நுழைந்ததும்..

ஏனோ கண்களை மூடி கொள்கிறார்கள்..

கடவுளைப்  பார்க்காமல்?

Lost in infinity

I bury myself
in thoughts

of what if's
and why not's

I try so hard 

to gain control

but it just gets deeper

like a rabbit hole

I lay face down - 

layers of apprehensions
and ruminations

weighing me down

Can't seem to find
a way out

deeper in my mind,

I go about

Deeper I go

losing myself
in infinite loop

Little do I know

that it is just
a black hole
with no hope 

Look out

Look out..

For that innocent smile,

On a crowded bus

For those pants that still fit,

When you’re thirty plus

Look out..

For that sound of an ice-cream truck,

On a Sunday afternoon

For that shooting star

On a  dark sky with no moon

Look out

For the words

That need not be spoken

For the silence

That need not be broken

Look out

For those hands that hold you,

When you fall

For that bit of strength,

When you feel small

Look out

‘Cause what you see,

Might just not be it

And if you look beyond,

You might just be able to get it

Look out

For the hope

Behind every pain

For the sunshine

Behind every rain

Missing pieces

Is this how
it is supposed to be?
always wondering where
the missing piece would be?

We try so hard
looking for the pieces
to complete the puzzle
hoping the despair ceases

Some pieces fit just perfectly
like they were meant to be
but some pieces just go missing
like a needle in the sea

We look for them everywhere
around , above and below
But the pieces may even come
from a stranger who just said 'hello'

Is this how
it is supposed to be?
Is life all about
"this is meant to be" ?

Maybe we've got it all wrong
about the pieces, all along
it is where they come from
and how our life has become
maybe it is for us to find out
what the puzzle is all about

But I'm just wondering
Is this how
It is supposed to be?

விசுவநாதன், பி.காம்

சுற்றிலும் மலை சூழ்ந்து இருக்கும் அந்த அழகான இயற்கைக் காட்சி மனதிற்குக் குளுமையாக இருந்தது. மேக ராணி மலைப் படுக்கையில் துயில தயாராகிக் கொண்டிருந்தாள். இதுவே நான் ஆழியாருக்குப் போவது முதல் முறை. நிறைய அணைகளை பார்த்திருந்தாலும், ஆழியாரில் ஒரு ரம்மியம்  இருந்தது. பிரம்மாண்டமான மலைகளின் பள்ளத்தாக்கில் சற்றும் அசையாத நீர் தேக்கம் . ஒரு ஓவியத்தில் நீர் நிலை , நீல வண்ணமாக உறைந்திருப்பதுப் போல இருந்தது. இங்கே அமர்ந்து இந்தக் காட்சியை நாள் முழுவதும் காணலாம் போலும். இந்த நிசப்தம் பிடித்திருந்தது. 

என்னுடன் வந்திருந்தவர்கள் அணையின் அருகில் இருந்த கெஸ்ட் ஹௌசை காண்பதில் ஆர்வமாக இருந்தார்கள். அங்கே தான் ரவிச்சந்திரன் 1964 இல் "விசுவநாதன் வேலை வேண்டும்" என்று நடனமாடினார்.

வெளிச்சம் குறைய தொடங்கியதும், நாங்கள் கீழே இறங்கினோம். ஜனத் தொகை முழுவதும் கீழே அந்த பூங்காவில் தான் இருந்தது. எனக்கு அந்த பூங்காவில் ஒன்றுமே இயற்கையாக தெரியவில்லை. குப்பை, கூட்டம், சத்தம் என்று மேலே சொர்க்கம் போலவும், கீழே நரகம் போலவும் தோன்றியது எனக்கு. 

இந்த நரகத்தை வேகமாக கடந்து செல்ல வேண்டும். ஆங்காங்கே நிறைய குரங்குகள் வேறு சாப்பாடு பைகளை பறிப்பதற்காக காத்து கொண்டிருந்தன. இன்னும் வேகமாக நடக்க தொடங்கினேன். பாதையின் ஓரத்தில் கீழே ஒரு முதியவர் பிச்சை எடுத்துக் கொண்டிருந்ததை நான் கவனிக்கவில்லை. நான் அவரை கடந்து சென்றதும், ஏதோ முனுமுனுத்தார்.

எனது கால்கள் வேகமாக முன்னேறினாலும் , ஏதோ ஒன்று என்னை தயங்கி நின்று மறுபடியும் அவரை நோக்கி செலுத்தியது. அப்பொழுது தான் அவர், 

"அந்த ஒரு ரூபாய எடுத்து தாங்க" என்று முணுமுணுக்கிறார் என்று தெரிந்தது. அவருக்கு மிக அருகிலேயே ஒரு ரூபாய் நாணயம் ஒன்று கிடந்தது. ஆனால் அவரால் அதை எட்டி எடுக்க  முடியவில்லை. அதை எடுத்து அவர் கையில் வைத்தேன். "தூக்கி விட கூட ஆள் இல்ல" என்று சலித்துக் கொண்டார். அவர் அருகே சென்று இரு கைகளையும் பற்றி, அவரை தூக்கி விட்டு நிறுத்தினேன். முதல் முறையாக என்னை பார்த்த அவரது கண்கள், கலங்கின.

"வாட் இஸ் யுவர் நேம் ?" சட்டென்று இந்த கேள்வியை , அதுவும் ஆங்கிலத்தில் நான் எதிர்ப்பார்க்கவில்லை . என் பெயரை கூறினேன்.

"வேர் ஆர் யு ப்ரம் ?"

"மதுரை"

"ஓ ! டெம்பிள் சிட்டி! தட் இஸ் வொய் யு ஆர் லைக் திஸ் " என்று சிரித்தார்.

அவரை சிரிக்க வைத்து விட்டேன் என்று மனதிற்குள் பெருமிதப்பட்டுக் கொண்டேன்.

"மை நேம் இஸ் விசுவநாதன். 1972 பி.காம் டிகிரி ஹோல்டர் " என்று பெருமையாக  கூறினார். அவர் கண்கள் மீண்டும் கலங்குவதை கவனித்தேன். என்னால் என்ன செய்ய முடியும்? உதவியற்ற நிலையில் நான் தான் இருப்பது போல உணர்ந்தேன். இது போன்ற இன்னல்களை பணத்தால் தான் செரி செய்ய முடியும் என்று என் சராசரி மூளை சொன்னதைக் கேட்டு , அவர் கையில் சில ரூபாய் நோட்டை வைத்தேன்.

"நோ ! நோ ! ஐ டோன்ட் வான்ட் மனி !"

"இல்ல.. டீ சாப்பிடவாது வெச்சிக்கோங்க" என்று நான் இந்த பணத்தை பிச்சைப் போட  வில்லை என்பது போல் காட்டிக்கொண்டேன்.

"ஓ ..டீ க்கா? அப்டினா சரி" என்று வாங்கிக் கொண்டார்.

"ஐ டோன்ட் ஹாவ் எனிபடி . நோ பிரண்ட்ஸ் . நோ பாமிலி . மை லைப் இஸ் ஹாரிபள் . எத்தன கஷ்டங்கள் . நீங்க ஏன் நிக்குறீங்க? ஐ டோன்ட் வாண்ட் டு டிஸ்டர்ப் யு . வெல்கம் டு ஆழியார் . ஹாவ் எ நைஸ் டைம்." என்று கைக் கூப்பி விட்டு நடக்கத் தொடங்கினார்.

வாசலில் எனக்க நண்பர்கள் காத்துக் கொண்டிருந்தார்கள். "மழை வேற வர மாதிரி இருக்கு..எங்க போய்ட இவ்ளோ நேரம்?"

வண்டியில் ஏறினேன். நாங்கள் சரியாக கிளம்பிய பொழுது பெரிதாக மழை பெய்ய தொடங்கியது. வண்டியில் ஒருவர் , "சே ! எப்படி மழை பெய்யுது.. பாவம் பா இந்த குரங்கு எல்லாம் மழை நேரத்துல எங்கே போகும்?" என்று வருத்தப்பட்டார்.

முரண்பாட்டு மூட்டைகள்

என்  நீண்ட நாள் ஆசையில் ஒன்றான "கார் டிரைவிங்" ஐ கற்று கொள்ள  ஒரு வழியாக சமயம் அமைந்தது. பல இடங்கள் விசாரித்து , ரொம்ப  தூரம், ரொம்ப காஸ்ட்லி என்ற பல தடைகளை மீறி கடைசியாக "லேடீஸ் தான சொல்லி கொடுப்பாங்க?" என்ற முக்கியமான விஷயத்தை உறுதி  செய்த பிறகு, அந்த டிரைவிங் ஸ்கூலில் சேர்ந்தேன்.

அந்த "லேடி" ஒரு போலீஸ் ஆபிசரை போல் தான்  இருந்தார். முதல் நாள், கியர்  எப்படி போடுவது என்று சொல்லி  கொடுத்தார். "இது பழகவே உங்களுக்கு ஒரு வாரம் ஆகும்" , என்றார். இரண்டாவது நாள் எங்கள் தெருவில் இருந்து முன்னேறி மெயின் ரோட்டில்  ஓட்ட ஆரம்பித்தேன். காலை 6:30 மணி என்பதால் சாலைகள் காலியாகவே  இருந்தது.

 "மூணாவது  கியர் ல இருந்து நியுட்ரல் வந்துட்டு  தாங்க ரெண்டாவது கியர்  போடணும்.   நீங்க நேரா பின்னாடி போடுறீங்க. அது நாலாவது கியர்!" என்று என் அருகில் இருந்தபடி  அதட்டினார். எனக்கு ஒரே பதற்றமாக இருந்தது. "அய்யோ அப்படியா? ஸாரிங்க" என்றேன்.

கியர் எந்த நிலையில் இருக்கின்றது என்பதே எனக்கு மிகவும் குழப்பமாக இருந்தது. இவ்வாறு நான் பாதி குழப்பத்திலும் மீதி பயத்திலும் இருந்த போது, எங்கள் வண்டியை கடந்து ஒருவர் சைக்கிளில் கீரை விற்றுக்கொண்டு  சென்றிருக்கிறார்.

"இதுங்களுக்கு வண்டி பழக வேற எடமே கெடைக்காதா " என்று அவர் முனுமுனுத்தது என் காதில்  விழுந்திருக்க வாய்ப்பில்லை. ஆனால் என் அருகில் இருந்தவரின் காதில்  நன்றாகவே விழுந்தது. அடுத்த சில நொடிகள் நடந்த நிகழ்வு - முதல் முறை வானவில் பார்த்த பொழுதோ, முதல் முறை இரயிலில் பயணம் செய்த பொழுதோ எப்படி நம் நெஞ்சில் என்றும் நீங்காமல்  பதிந்திருக்குமோ அது போன்ற ஒன்று நிகழ்வாக அமைந்தது - கிட்டத்தட்ட . முதல் முறையாக ஒரு பெண் சரளமாக கெட்ட வார்த்தை பேசுவதை நேரில் கண்டேன்.

"இது என்ன உன் அப்பன்  ரோடா? என்னமோ உன் மேல வந்து இடிச்ச மாதிரி பொலம்புற? கீழ இறங்குநேனா பிச்சிருவேன் ராஸ்கல் .. @#$%!&#%&# ..
ஏன்  நீ வண்டி பழக கிரௌண்டு கட்டி தாயேன் .. ம*****.. வந்துட்டானுங்க ..பொம்பளைங்க வண்டி ஓட்டுனா இவன்களுக்கெல்லாம் எளக்காரம் .. %@#$@!@.. என்ன வார்த்த பேசுற நீயு .. என்ன மொறைக்குற? ஓடிரு ..#*&#*#^(#)@ "

இந்த அர்ச்சனைக்கு நடுவில் என்னிடம், "ரெண்டாவது கியர் போடுங்க... கிலட்ச மிதிங்க.. அக்சிளிரேடர மெதுவா மிதிங்க" என்றெல்லாம் அவர் சொல்ல மறக்கவும் இல்லை. என் கைகள் ஸ்டீரிங் வீலில்  உறைந்தது. இங்கே இப்போது என்ன நடந்தது என்று ஒன்றும் புரியவில்லை. அந்த சைக்கிள் காரனோ மிரண்டுவிட்டான் . ஏதோ சந்தில் நுழைந்து எங்கள் பார்வையில் இருந்து மறைந்து விட்டான்.

சில நொடிகள் காரில் அமைதி நிலவியது. இது தான் புயலுக்கு பின் அமைதியோ? எதாவது பேசி இந்த மௌனத்தை கலைக்க வேண்டும். ஆனால் என்ன பேசுவது? அவரே பேச  ஆரம்பித்தார். "இவனுங்களுக்கெல்லாம் இப்படி தாங்க பதிலடி கொடுக்கணும்.. என்ன பயந்துட்டீங்களா?" என்று சிரித்தார்.

"இல்ல இல்ல.." நான் மிகவும் இயல்பாக இருப்பது போல் நடித்தேன்.

"நான் இவன மாதிரி நெறைய பேர பாத்திருக்கேங்க .. கிலட்ச அமுக்கி வண்டிய திருப்புங்க. பொம்பளைங்கனா சமயக்கட்டுலயே கெடக்கணும். வண்டி எல்லாம் ஓட்டுனா இவனுங்களால தாங்க முடியாது"

எனக்கு ஆச்சிரியமாக இருந்தது. பேருந்தில் , ரோட்டில் பெண்களை கேலி  செய்யும் ஆண்களை பார்த்திருக்கிறேன். ஆனால் அந்த சமயத்தில் என் இயலாமையை நினைத்து தான் வெட்கபட்டிருக்கிறேன் . அதற்கு மேல் எதுவும் செய்தது இல்லை. ஆனால் இந்த பெண் , ஒரு படி மேலே போய் , நடு ரோட்டில் சண்டையிட்டு அந்த ஆணை பயந்து ஓட வைத்து விட்டாரே! இதற்கும் தைரியம் வேண்டும் தான்.

அடுத்த நாள் நான் வண்டியில்  ஏறிய பொழுது அவரை ஒரு மரியாதையோடு (மரியாதை கலந்த பயம் என்று வாசிக்கவும் ) பார்த்தேன்.

"50 லட்டு ஆர்டர் பண்ணி கான்செல் பண்ணிட்டேங்க " என்றார்.

"ஏங்க லட்டு நல்ல இல்லையா?"

"அட ஏங்க நீங்க வேற.. என் பொண்ணு 952 மார்க்கு தாங்க வாங்கிருக்கு பிளஸ் டூ ல .. 1000 ஆவது வாங்கும்னு நெனச்சேன். கட் ஆப் வேற 155 தான். என்ன படிக்க ஒண்ணும் புரியல .. பிஎஸ்சி ஐடி எப்படிங்க ?"

"மொதல்ல அவளுக்கு என்ன விருப்பம்னு கேளுங்க..அதையே படிக்க வைங்க" என்றேன்.

"ம்க்கும் .. அவளுக்கு பேஷன் டெக்னாலஜி படிக்கணுமாம் .. ஹோட்டல் மானேஜ்மன்ட் படிக்கணுமாம்.. பொம்பள புள்ளைக்கு எதுக்கு இந்த படிப்பெல்லாம்.. துணி தைப்பாங்க .. அங்க புடிக்குது இங்க  புடிக்குதுன்னு கைய வைப்பாங்க .. தேவையா.. என்ன கேட்டா காலேஜுக்கே அனுப்ப வேண்டாம்னு தான் சொல்லுவேன்.. நீங்க வண்டிய ஸ்டார்ட் பண்ணுங்க "

ஏனோ வைரமுத்துவின் வரிகள் நினைவிற்கு வந்தது. அவர்  கூறவது போல சிவாஜி படத்தில் வரும் ஷ்ரேயா மட்டும் அல்ல, நாம் அனைவருமே ஒரு வகையில் முரண்பாட்டு மூட்டைகள் தான்.

Let me be

I'm a dreamer
I'm a wanderer
I'm a free spirit
I have things to see
Let me be
Let me be

Don't direct me
There are places I want to be
Don't shut me in
I need air
Don't judge me 'coz
I don't care

Let me be
Let me be

Don't pull me back
I might leap
Don't tie me down
I might fly
Don't lock me up
I might die

Let me be
Let me be

Should I let go?

Million voices scream inside my head

Every morning as I rise from bed

Million voices try to eat me up

Won’t listen even if I say ‘shut up’

Million voices scream inside my head

Telling me to let go

Should I or Should I not?

I don’t know

Million voices...

I close my ears

Pretending not to hear

To stop my fears

From coming so near

I travel to another world

Pretending I don’t belong here

Away I get hurled

Leaving me with a tear

Million voices scream inside my head

Telling me to let go

Should I or Should I not?

I don’t know

Million voices...

I cannot hide for long

For they are getting strong

I have to listen to the voices

They haven’t left me with many choices

Millions voices scream inside my head

Should I let go

Should I let go

Should I let go of my fear?

Or

Should I let go of my dreams?

Million voices...

Possessed by Ponniyin Selvan

Ever since I laid my hands on this book, I'd have to say I am possessed. I'm unable to find an equivalent adjective for the kind of impact this book has had on me. And this happens to anyone who reads this book, unanimously- that is the greatness of the legendary writer, Kalki Krishnamoorthy,who will be remembered and cherished for centuries, for the treasure he has left behind. I'm not writing this post to describe the book, I can never do that. One has to read it, to experience it. I can't even write a description about the book, when I think about the descriptions written by Kalki for Ponniyin Selvan. 

As a result of my obsession/possession/addiction of Ponniyin Selvan, for the past one year, I have been wanting to visit all the places described in the book, and see how it is in the present day. I'm sure it is the same case with all the people who have read the book. Infact, many years ago during early 2000's the leading Tamil Magazine Anantha Vikatan had organised a "Ponniyin Selvan" trip, in which all the PS enthusiasts traveled along the same path as the protagonist Vanthiyathevan, the tall, dark and handsome hero. His travel starts from Veeranarayanan Yeri (present day Veeranam Lake near Chennai) and descends towards south till Thanjavur , Kodiyakarai, and then stretches to Eelam. The details of places covered in the Vikatan trip can be found in this link:

https://maps.google.com/maps/ms?msid=202824369547970048504.000440679ec63f736ee5a&msa=0&iwloc=000440b73939c8e9659cb

I did a mini version of the trip and managed to cover few places. I did not the visit the places in the same sequence, so my first destination was Thanjavur, big temple. First time I visited this temple was when I was in 4th std, for a school trip. Some of my classmates told me that, the huge bull (Nandi) in front keeps growing and when it touches the ceiling, the world will come to an end! I was too scared then. I remember seeing a very huge honeycomb on of the temple pillars. I cannot remember anything else from my first visit of the temple. Second time I visited the temple, I was a grumpy teenager who was bored of visiting temples and wanted to do something fun. The third time was two years ago, when I became an architect. This time I couldn't help but wonder the marvel of this structure - I took my time to take it all in and appreciate the beauty of it. I remember sitting for hours in the late evening, just immersed by the magnificent ambiance. This time it was different. 

This was the first time, I'm visiting the temple after reading PS. And I'm amazed how this place makes me look at it differently, every-time I see it. I imagined Arulmozhi Varman (Raja Raja chozhan) walking in the temple complex. I tried deciphering the inscriptions trying to spot a word that read "Kundavai" or "Vanthiyathevan". It was crazy. I was wondering if there were secret passages around the shrines that housed any belongings of the King. Touching the stone pillars, thinking it was laid there 1500 years ago, when this place was thriving city and a capital of the chozha empire, gave me goosebumps. Sadly none of the Chozha palaces of Thanjavur remain today.

My next visit was to the once capital (before Thanjavur) of the Chozhas - Palayarai. As per Kalki's description of Palayarai, it must have been an ancient metropolis, with wall fortifications all around, with a very deep moat. Palayarai was the capital initially, before it was shifted to Thanjavur. It also had one of the magnificent palaces which housed great kings and queens like Sundara Chozhan, Kundavai, etc. The present day Palayarai (called now as "Keezha Pazahayarai") is nothing but a small deserted village near Kumbakonam. Absolutely nothing remains of the ancient city - except the main temple, which is also now in a ruined state. 

 The main tower was destroyed by a Pandiya King, and what remains now is only the stone base. I can only wonder in awe, if just the stone base is so tall and wide, the main tower would have almost been as tall as the one in Thanjavur. I managed to climb on top of the ruined tower. Unlike Thanjavur, this was built in brick (which again proves the marvel of the tower in Thanjavur). It is believed that, this temple had eight praharas - and only one is remaining now. I cannot visualise the grandeur of this temple which was almost eight times bigger than what it is today. It is only understandable that a temple of this scale was required in the capital city of the Chozha empire. There are many temples built during the Chozha period (around 10th century) in and around Kumbakonam. For people who are not aware of this fact, Kumbakonam is Kudanthai as mentioned in Ponniyin Selvan.

Kudanthai a.k.a Kumbakonam is a beautiful place. Many villages still have the ancient houses retained. I had a chance to visit one such agraharam street in a small village called Udaiyalur (this might have been part of the ancient Palayarai city - Raja Raja Chozhan was also called as 'Udaiyar' )

I was having an emotional mood swing in Udaiyalur. I was excited, sad and angry at the same time. 

Excited - because I'm finally seeing places that I've been wanting to for so long. Sad - for the kind of state that it is in now, as compared to the beautiful description given by Kalki. Angry - for not being able to do anything about it.

This is one place I regretted visiting, only because it disturbed me so much. The tomb of the great Raja Raja Chozhan , the mesmerising Arul Mozhi Varman , the great ruler, the perfect king, is in a state, none of us would even want to admit to ourselves. It is said that the actual tomb built by Rajendra Chola - I , son of Raja Raja Chola is buried under the ground and till now, no one -  I repeat, NO ONE, has taken steps for excavation. During those days, when a great King expires, a linga is placed above the tomb. That is the one we see in the picture here, but it is currently misplaced located now in a place where there was a well. The well is buried up now, and the linga was misplaced due to a flood that occurred during the 90's. According to the care-taker of this place, politicians usually do not prefer visiting the Thanjavur big temple fearing they might lose their seat/power in the elections. It is a jinx he says, that the great king who has built the big temple will punish any ruler who is not loyal to his people - which is why no politicians visit the Thanjavur temple he says. I really do wish all our corrupt politicians visit the temple, you know, just in case. Anyway, because of the same reason, none of them are taking steps to excavate or build a tomb for this Great Emperor. There was a time when Rs44 lakhs fund was allocated to build a memorial - but was spent for "something else" apparently - one of those moments when you feel ashamed of the people who run your country.

On the way to Palayarai you also come across a small village called "Chozhan maaligai" (Chola palace). It must have been the place where the Palayarai palace once stood majestically. 

I also visited Kodumbalur sometime back (not part of this trip), to see the place Princess Vanathi (spouse of Raja Raja chozhan) grew up. It was another important city of the Chozha dynasty, which housed palaces and forts, nothing of which remains. It is now just another village, that you pass by on the highways - with small petty shops and no 3G mobile networks. Only thing that remains now in Kodumbalur is part of a temple complex

called "Moovar Kovil" - which houses three shrines. It has striking similarities to the the big temple in Thanjavur. The way in which the gopuram above the shrine is built especially looks like a module from which the great king might have been inspired to build the temple in Thanjavur.

The image shown here is the only picture that is recorded and available of Raja Raja Chozhan. The person standing next to him, is his Guru, Karuvur Thevar. It is only from this damaged image that we come to know how this great man must have looked. He does seem very young in this painting. Currently, a digital copy of the original painting (which was discovered in one of the walls of a small passage near the main shrine) is printed and kept in the museum in the Thanjavur big temple.

The next time I'm going to visit the big temple in Thanjavur would be after finishing the book, "Udayar" by Balakumaran. I'm sure it would be a totally new experience the next time too. There are still many places (Kadambur, Veeranam Lake, Anbil, Nanthipuram, Koneri Rajapuram, Kodiakarai, parts of Srilanka and many more) yet to be seen which features in Ponniyin Selvan - my wishlist still stands incomplete - Someday soon..

PS: There is a program in Thanthi TV, every Sunday 6:30-7:00pm, called "Yathreegan" which traces the path of all the places of Ponniyin Selvan novel - a really good show.

Perspective

Ten years ago, when we first moved to this apartment, it was the only one on the street. Today, it is one of the oldest of the many apartments that have sprung up in our locality. That has in fact become the identity, 

“yes, stop near that old apartment on the right” people say to the rickshaw walas.

My wife doesn’t want to move out of this old and slowly dying building, because of its “lucky charm”. She somehow believes this flat is responsible for my promotion at work and the birth of our child (?!)– Sigh. If only a woman could give some credit to her man!

Many things have changed along these years in our quiet residential area – our neighbouring tenants, the neighbouring vacant plots turning into another apartment complex, new security guards, new laundry shops, new mobile shops, new houses, more litter on the street, water scarcity and of course lesser trees.

Water problem has always been very frustrating and the security guards appointed added to the frustration. They were all too old, mostly above 65 years of age, and they were too slow to get up and open the gate or even switch on the motor for pumping the water to all the floors. Almost all the apartments in our locality had old security guards, and faced the same problem. We wondered why they were appointed, as the main purpose of guarding the place was not served, and every night the watchman falls asleep. It was worst in our apartment because there was only one and there wasn’t anyone to exchange shifts with him during the night. It was a daily ritual for us to keep complaining about the poor apartment maintenance and the inability of the watchman, almost every single day.

So when our owner informed that there was going to be a new watchman for our apartment, we all hoped this time it would be a younger, more efficient one, who doesn’t forget to switch on the motor every morning. But this time, it was worse. He was much older than our previous watchman, was sick most of the time and was always sleeping.

Every time I came back home from work, my wife had a new “watchman story”.

“You know he forgot to switch on the motor again, and there was no water the entire day...blah blah”

“Today I had to wait half an hour before the gate to wait for him to wake up and open it.. He is getting on my nerves..the previous one was far better than this old man..blah blah”

“you know what he did today? He did not close the lift door properly and I was stuck in the third floor..blah blah”

It was getting too much. He was a 75 year old man, who could barely walk. Our owner kept proving that each time he got a new watchman, we felt the previous one was better. People loathed the new watchman, though he did not seem to care about any of these things.

One evening, as I was parking my vehicle after I returned from work, I noticed our new watchman was standing so close beside me. For the first time, I looked at him closely. He was medium built, tall, had a wrinkled face, he was almost bald with little grey hair left. He wore a white banyan that was torn here and there and his pants were almost falling off his waist. He was standing there next to me with a sheepish smile on his face.

“What?” I asked with an irritated expression on my face.

“Saar..” He hesitated.

“What is it tell me quickly”

“Saar.. I have a daughter who cannot walk.. She is almost 50 years now. I need some money for her treatment.. If you can be kind enough to lend me some money Saar..I would be really grateful to you”

 He was almost begging me. I checked my pocket and thrusted two hundred rupee notes in his hands and started walking swiftly. I pretended not to notice his bowing of head and saluting.

As I entered home, my wife was ready with her side of the “watchman story”

“You know what he did today?! He asked me money for his daughter’s treatment”

“What? He just asked me that” I said in shock

“Oh these people  ...one should never believe them... I gave him two hundred rupees this afternoon. Wait - did you also give him money?”

“Yes, I also gave him two hundred rupees” I replied softly. My wife continued with her ranting about how people take advantage of us being kind to them and how these days it is not advisable to help anyone.

I had to admit she was right. I was getting really annoyed with the watchman – that cheater.

Next day as I returned home late, I saw him behind the gate, smoking cigarette. I honked louder. He quickly put down the cigarette and ran to open the gate.

“Don’t you know smoking is prohibited here? There are children living in this building. And what took you so long to open the gate?” I yelled at him

“Sorry saar.. it won’t happen again” he mumbled.

“Now I know how the two hundred rupees I gave you, is spent” I said with a cold stare at him and went home.

Days passed, the watchman stories continued. Everyday there was something new about him that my wife had to complain. I was getting busy with work as well. Few months later, I started seeing him less often in the apartment. There was nobody appointed to replace him too. The owner promised that he was on a sick leave and he will be coming back. After almost two weeks of absence, he came back. I saw him as I was leaving for work. He had become thinner and he was coughing very badly.

“Why did you come back if you were so sick?” I asked him and as he turned to face me, I noticed the cigarette in his hands. “Yes please smoke a little more, so your coughing can get better” I said, biting my teeth.

“saar..sorry saar.. I came back to ask you a favour.. My grandson is doing his engineering and as I couldn’t work this month, I’m not able to help him pay his fees. Saar..” He stood there scratching his head.

“Listen, I won’t be fooled another time. I have helped you once, and I learnt my lesson. I know all the money I give you will go into ashes like this” I said firmly pointing to the cigarette.

“Saar..” He hesitated. I ignored him and walked away.

As I reached my office, my wife called me on the landline phone.

“Why are you calling me on landline?”

“Please check where your mobile phone is” My wife replied mockingly.

“Oh no. Ok please switch it off for me, I will manage”

“Alright”

“Hey you know what the watchman did as I was leaving” I could hear my wife laughing on the other end.

“You sound just like me, complaining about the watchman”

“Listen, he asked money again for his grandson. Apparently he is doing engineering and needs money to pay his fees” I scoffed.

“Yeah right, first he made us believe he has a daughter who cannot walk and now a grandson who is doing engineering? He is making a fool out of us”

“I know, I just wanted to tell you that, if he asks you again, don’t give him any money”

“Ok.. I won’t be home most of the day anyway, bye”

“yeah bye”

I got off work early that evening after a long time. I happily rode back home and to my surprise found the gate was already open. But there were two three tenants from the apartment having a small meeting.

Oh no. There is no water again? I thought as I got off the car. The watchman was sleeping on the floor unaware of what was happening around him.

I walked up to one of the tenants to ask if he was going to call the lorry for water supply, when he said this: “watchman passed away few minutes back”

I was too shocked to even open my mouth. I looked at him – now a lifeless body. The wrinkled face, torn banyan and his old pants. I felt my hands were getting cold. I always hated this guy but I didn’t expect to see him like this.

“How?” I finally managed to speak.

“He was sick for two weeks apparently, he had wheezing and he coughed out loud and fell on the ground. He was out at that moment itself” said one guy

“Out of all the places, he had to come and die here? As if we don’t have enough problems? What do we do with this thing now?” said another

“Who asked him to come back for work if he was so sick? Now this has become our responsibility” said another

“Does anyone know about his family? Does he have one?” said another.

I was too shocked to recover from this news and the kind of reaction these people were giving was sending me into a state of delirium. How can people be so inhuman? A soul has just passed away and here are people who just want to get rid of this “thing”. I had a rush of feelings inside me, of anger, of guilt, of shame, of helplessness. I had to do something.

I found the watchman’s cell phone in his pant pockets. I noted his daughter’s mobile phone and called her and told her to come as fast as she could. I called for an ambulance. A small crowd started gathering in front of our apartment – “curious on-lookers”, who just want to look. There was someone next to me who even said “Don’t come close to me, you have touched the body. I just finished my pooja you know”. I ignored all of them and all their heartless comments. I just had a new resolve to pay the last respect to this old man, mainly out of guilt that had developed in me somehow, though I know I hadn’t done anything wrong.

An auto arrived and there was a lady sitting inside, weeping. I guessed it was his daughter. I called out to her but she didn’t want to come out. She just kept saying “I can’t” and wept loudly. I was getting restless, can’t she come out to see her own father. I moved closer to the auto and said as politely as I could. “Listen, you have to come down and see your father. I have called for an ambulance”

“I can’t” she wept again loudly.

“See..” As I started again, she showed me her leg. I closed my mouth. “I can’t walk sir.. I need someone to get me off the auto.”  I held my head down in shame.

 I rushed to help her out of the auto and made her sit next to her father. I couldn’t take in the reality. It was too much to handle. I felt as if I was responsible for the whole thing. I wanted to cry out loud. I felt my existence was useless in the world. She sat there weeping. People started moving away. 

I stood outside the gate, waiting for the ambulance to arrive and pick up the body. A skinny young guy almost fell in front of the gate from his bicycle. He was panting so hard. I helped him get up and asked him, “Who are you?”

“Sir I’m his grandson” the young boy was in tears.

“Oh..” I was hesitant to ask but I heard myself asking him “What are you doing?”

“I am studying engineering sir”, he replied wiping his tears.

Vanakkam .. Namaskar .. Namaskaram

I should say I was lucky to spend time in a village for four days, after so many years. Last time I did, I was too young to understand the real beauty behind the village way of life. But now, I was surprised at myself looking at this in a totally new perspective.

We live a city, keep updating ourselves with latest technology, make international video calls, attend video conferences, buy diapers online, converse with the person in the next room via text, click photographs not for memory but for facebook, we do so many absurd things. Well it is alright. We are crazy. But, somehow over all these years, growing up from Doordarshan to YouTube, we have lost many valuable things. 

During those four days of my stay in a small village near Madurai, I realised we have forgotten two main things that was an integral part of our culture. First, 'the vanakkam' and second, 'the thinnai'.

We have almost forgotten the way we used to greet others. Vanakkam (in any Indian language) is such a beautiful expression. Now it is the Hi, hey, 'sup with a cool handshake or a friendly hug. But, when we greet each other with Vanakkam, with our two palms placed together in front of our chest with bowed head, it is a beautiful expression of love and humility . When one greets the other with a bowed head, the ego bubble bursts immediately. It is a simple symbol of being down to earth. After a 'Vanakkam' one cannot help but be polite. We should be proud of our ancestors for coming up with something so simple and graceful. This is our identity. When we become a reflection of our culture and the roots from where we came from, we become more beautiful. 

Every single person in the village greeted us with a humble Vanakkam. What has the city done to us? How did we lose this en route to "development"? It is sad to see that this gesture is now only used by politicians and by people who worship. 'Vanakkam' is not cool anymore!

Another amazing thing that we have lost over the years is the concept of "thinnai". Thinnai is a small raised platform near the entrance in traditional South Indian homes. Even a small mud house would have a thinnai space. Traditionally, a thinnai was meant for the weary travelers to stop by and take rest. The thinnais were facing the road and shaded by low sloping roofs. It was a place for a casual evening chatter , to discuss politics, a place for kids to learn or play or even just sit and  relax. It also acted as a buffer space and reduced the direct heat radiation that would hit the building. Our traditional architecture also had in mind , the strangers who might get tired of the heat and provided a space for them to rest. They would place a small mud pot filled with water for them to quench their thirst.

Thinnais have been lost midst the concrete jungle of the city. Our architecture has now become so insensitive to people , climate and also to the environment.

 Our ancestors were much smarter than us. If only we could realise that , the things that we are losing rapidly in our process of evolving, is much more valuable than the evolution itself, we could create more sensible living conditions. This insecurity about life that we have now is a sad by product of our evolution process. Sometimes I guess we need a backward evolution process! 

A new beginning...

Why is the 1st of  January special every year? You wake up in the morning , everything is the same. The sun rises from the east, the birds chirp, the noise of traffic, nothing has changed. It is just another day. An ancient Roman King added the month January later to the calendar and made it officially the first month of the year - and the whole world has followed it religiously till now.

 Imagine if we did not have new years? No new beginnings, just day after day, continuing with our life. It would have been horrible. We all need breaks , a refreshing new start , a time to stop and look back at what we have been doing, to reflect our thoughts , and look forward to a NEW BEGINNING.

2013 was an emotional roller coaster for me. Lots of ups and downs. Sometimes I even wished the Mayans were right and the world could have ended by 2012. Sometimes I felt like I was on top of the world. I cried, I laughed, I was embarrassed, I blushed, I fought, I compromised, I fell down and I got up. Well, life is all about this, isn't it? Full of surprises, not knowing what is going to happen next. I am spending New year at home after 3 years. I was in Bangalore last year, I am in Madurai now and who knows where I will be for the next new year!

I am putting all that behind me now, getting myself ready for a new start. All my inhibitions and questions that went unanswered, will find its answer this year, I hope. New hopes and promises fill my mind and something tells me that 2014 is going to be much much better than 2013. Wish this year is more happier and peaceful than the year that went by. Let's see what 2014 has in store for us..

Wishing you all a very happy and joyful new year.. And best wishes to all of us for ' a new beginning '..

வாழ்க்கை அடுத்த நொடி ஒளித்து வைத்திருக்கும் அச்சிரியங்கள் ஏராளம்..!