I’m writing a blog post after a really long time and this was my inspiration. It was a scene from one of the episodes of Modern Love, an Amazon prime series.
*spoiler alert*
Episode 3: Take me as I am, Whoever I am, is about a young woman named Lexi(Anne Hathaway) struggling with bipolar disorder. After going through a lot, she finally opens up to her friend/colleague Sylvia about how she is feeling and that scene just teared me up. It is one of the most emotional scenes that I’ve seen recently either in a series or a movie.
LEXI: You’re the first person I’ve ever told about this.
SYLVIA: How does it feel telling me?
LEXI(sobbing): Like.. like an elephant’s taken one of its feet off my chest.
SYLVIA: I’m so glad you’ve told me.. It explains so much. If anything, not knowing made it a little difficult to connect with you fully, the way I would have wanted.
LEXI(tearfully): So..you want to get a drink sometime? You want to go to the movies? You want to see people?
SYLVIA: All of the above. You are the most fun I’ve ever been around. I’m not letting that go.
LEXI: Thank you.. thank you (holds Sylvia’s hands)
SYLVIA: Thank YOU!
The scene ends with Lexi’s voice over: “It’s amazing..what trusting one true friend in your life can do”
SYLVIA: How does it feel telling me?
LEXI(sobbing): Like.. like an elephant’s taken one of its feet off my chest.
SYLVIA: I’m so glad you’ve told me.. It explains so much. If anything, not knowing made it a little difficult to connect with you fully, the way I would have wanted.
LEXI(tearfully): So..you want to get a drink sometime? You want to go to the movies? You want to see people?
SYLVIA: All of the above. You are the most fun I’ve ever been around. I’m not letting that go.
LEXI: Thank you.. thank you (holds Sylvia’s hands)
SYLVIA: Thank YOU!
The scene ends with Lexi’s voice over: “It’s amazing..what trusting one true friend in your life can do”
This episode really made me realize the importance of talking about mental health and depression with our friends. It’s one of the most over-looked topics in our conversations (even with our close friends) in spite of it being the most important.
Often times, we ask our friends how they are doing, but never know how they are really, mentally, emotionally. I don’t know why, maybe because physical illness is more obvious to the eye or maybe because of social stigma. But mostly because some of us are really scared to open up, for the fear of being judged, being ignored, being laughed at or being discriminated.
On the other hand, some of us honestly are clueless on how to react in case someone opens up to us. Why are they telling me this? What am I supposed to do? We immediately take up the role of a savior and start dishing out solutions after solutions. “You should do meditation”, “You should probably start working out more”, “You should have followed a more healthier diet plan”, “You should stop drinking” , “It’s because you are so sensitive” , “Just ignore it” , “You should go out more often”, we say. Try to do this or that, make yourself this or that, we say.
No, the person opening up is not looking for solutions. He/She is not stupid to NOT know any of these solutions. They know it, but they cannot do it. It’s hard. That’s what depression feels like. If they could gather the strength to do it, they wouldn’t be depressed in the first place. What they need really is a lending ear to listen to them without being judged. To truly, genuinely care for them, tell them things like, “I’m here for you”, “I will help you get through this”, “You can tell me anything”, “Let’s get lunch together” or anything as simple as that. Just to be there for them. Just.be.there. Even if we cannot say anything, just holding hands or hugging them would make so much of a difference to them.
Why is it that even though we have many friends (including the 1000s on Facebook), it’s so hard to talk to each other about our mental health? We have been conditioned in such a way that it is something that is very private or something that should be overcome on our own however hard it is. The thing is, it need not be. Being depressed is not easy. Everyone is going through some form of mental stress or another. We shouldn’t be carrying all the burden on our own. We should be able to talk to each other about this with an open mind. Because, IT IS OK!
“The 2008 Mental Health Parity and Addiction equity Act” in the USA requires all health insurance plans to treat mental health and addiction on the same grounds as other physical illnesses. (The way insurance companies twist this is another problem altogether - see more on that here on Patriot Act). In India, it was only in 2017 that the government made it mandatory for the insurance companies to cover mental health. (source) With costs of insurance deductibles and therapy sessions going sky high, we can get by with a little help from each other.
A person suffering from depression or any mental illness might not look like it. He/She might be your coworker smiling at you very normally every morning. It is not obvious. Our world is filled with Lexis and Sylvias. The problem is we don’t meet. Let us try to reach out more, talk more with our friends and ask them once in a while, “Are you ok, my friend?” and just THAT could transform their lives forever.
